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CNN fight: toby keith v. beyonce

CNN is so on-point these days.  Does defending Toby Keith count as “fake news?”  You decide!

If you’re like me, you never watch CNN so, first of all, you might be thinking, “Who’s this Kayleigh Mcenany?”  You might also be thinking, “Sup, girl.”  Well, I first noticed her a few years ago when I used to watch Red Eye on Fox News.  I kind of got turned off by the show when they quit having weird and/or controversial guests and everyone started arriving on set sober.  Kayleigh was among the first of those guests who started boring me.  Try as she might, she just couldn’t keep up with the banter of the rest of the panel and ended up reciting her prepared points when it was her turn to talk, thus bringing down the overall energy (much like my writing).  Buuut, she looked great in the “leg chair” and was a continuing guest.

However, something about passionate conservative chicks does it for me (probably a combination of physical looks, an oft-fiery attitude, and a prudish-on-the-outside-freak-on-the-inside vibe) so I did Google her at the time.  Back in the day, she ran a site called realreaganconservative.com which featured a few of her own articles as well as columns from seemingly any random person who emailed her as long as the writing was of the libertarianesque-conservative-free market-religious variety.  Mostly, these guest posts were from Republican guys who thought if they just wrote the perfect column, Kayleigh would sleep with them (spoiler alert: this will never work). Shockingly, the site didn’t get much traffic.  Internet archives for it are lacking so you’ll have to take my word for it.  However, even if your website fails, I have to admire the gumption required for such an undertaking.

Skip to today and it looks as if Kayleigh has parlayed that same enthusiasm, mid-level intellect, and fantastic good looks into a gig on CNN.

Good for her.

As far as the content of the video, we can debate the artistic merits of Toby Keith versus Beyonce all day but I’m not sure that can be easily settled.  Which is a higher art form, strumming a guitar while singing about dive bars and the military blowing shit up or popping your ass on stage and singing about your kickass blowjobs?  Oh how can I choose?!

My main takeaway from this video was Marc Lamont Hill quickly realizing he was participating in a potentially viral internet moment and adjusting accordingly.

Starts with genuine-surprise face:

01

Transitioning…

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ends with “I really, really hope this goes viral and I become a meme” face:

03

Hahaha nice job, Marc, you clown.

googling my opinions in quotes, raymond carver edition

Sometimes to see how many people agree with me, I Google my opinions in quotes and see what shows up.  Today, it was “Raymond Carver sucks.”  This search yielded a wonderful exchange on some website.

untitled-picture

dueserpenti: “Someday I will convince the world that Raymond Carver sucks.”

crote: “What we talk about when we talk about punching you in the dick.”

dueserpenti: “Whassat? I couldn’t hear you over the sound of a story about a man giving a lady exact change for the bus in a way that teachers her that all life is connected.”

crote: “If you don’t like reading about world weary alcoholics who are tired of life I’m not sure why you post here.”

Just another example of why the internet is awesome. dueserpenti’s first response is fantastic for anyone that’s read a little Raymond Carver and found him a little annoying.

 

P.S. Under the original post heading, dueserpenti posted a longer tirade that I found funny as well.  Colorful opinions about short-story writers.  Emphasis my own.

In college I wrote a polemic called “Raymond Carver Must Die” that became my senior thesis. Which is not to say that there aren’t writers in Carver’s genre that I enjoy; Tobias Wolff is my fucking jam, for a time at least my favorite short story writer, and I was lucky enough to get to do a workshop with him when I was at the height of my Wolffmania. But in the main, my heart belongs to more fantastical writers. Not fantasy, not ever. Fantasy is for dickbrains. I will pimp for John Kessel any day of the week; he’s a science fiction writer with the soul of a magical realist and a great sense of humor. Julio Cortazar is one of my favorite writers who ever lived. Theodore Sturgeon still doesn’t get enough love because no amount of love will ever be enough. For the ladies, Carol Emshwiller, Mary Reikert, and Kelly Link. Gosh, I don’t know; I’ve read so many short stories that I’m like an overloaded autistic. If you want to know my thoughts on short stories it’s better to pick a specific one and present your questions in bright primary colors. Better yet, find a copy of Alberto Manguel’s Black Water anthology, worship that shit (this is seriously the only thing I own that I would save in a fire), and we can talk at length about any story in there.

i promise this is my last ‘rogue one’ complaint… hahaha prolly not

One of the worst parts of the original Star Wars trilogy is how we never got to see any female pilots.  That, my friends, is some bullshit.

 

While I love the original trilogy, this glaring omission always troubled me. As the world progressed and our society brought the original Star Wars movies into future with us, the films’ treatment of women stood out like tar on a freshly snow-covered field, something made all the more embarrassing given the modern advancement of women’s rights.

Well no longer!

Rogue One’s best cameo is female pilots, after 33 years on the cutting room floor

Some sexists out there may point out how when the original trilogy was made, no country in the world allowed women to become fighter pilots (with a few wartime exceptions) and so it would make perfect sense to not include them.

Other sexists may point how correcting this ugliness doesn’t really square with the apparent goals of the people casting the movie, who weren’t really talking about making the share of women in the movie more realistic.  If they had, based on the stats alluded to above and the number of women involved in most rebellions, we probably would see fewer women on screen than we do in Rogue One.

But I’m not sexist so I won’t entertain such talk.

Thank God we’ve reached the modern age.  Sure, women worldwide still have actual problems, but at least we can cross “women who make up 0.01% of fighter pilots are not in movies” off the list.

We still have a long way to go, though:

Why Hasn’t ‘Star Wars’ Hired a Female Director?

ugly feminists once again act like they are upset because someone did something normal, this time its steve martin

This is getting pretty predictable:

  1. Someone does something benign
  2. Feminists get “outraged”
  3. People overreact to feminist outrage

 

OK, now that everyone knows their role, I can continue with Step 3.

Steve Martin tweeted a caring and rather sweet message regarding the late Carrie Fisher.  People then got “upset.”

Steve:

steve-martin

Feminists:

Everyone knows you can judge looks from a distance.  It’s incredible–you actually don’t need to talk to someone to know that he or she is beautiful.  That’s all Steve said.  He clearly implied he noticed her beauty before he got to know her.  Once he got to know her, she was all kinds of great, non-visual things, as well.

According to these feminist responses, you’re supposed to be able to tell that someone is witty and bright without ever speaking to them.  At least, that’s what they seem to be saying when they complain Steve didn’t notice something non-visual when he first saw Carrie (keyword, “saw”).  There’s apparently a way–lost to the rest of us humans–that we can ascertain whether or not someone is awesome on the inside before we notice whether they’re attractive or not.  And unless you know how to do this brand of sorcery, you are a sexist.

However, I think this is like the Merry Christmas thing.  No one is actually annoyed.  Sure, some people tweeted at him, but I really doubt any of them would lose an ounce of sleep if he didn’t delete it.  We just all have our parts to play (as I mentioned above) and that’s all these news outlets are doing.  Playing their part, getting their Twitter impressions up, and getting clicks to their website.  Yes, I know it’s played out to say someone is doing something for clicks, but that’s also almost the only reason anyone does anything on the internet.

But the fact is, he did delete his tweet.  Therefore, since there’s an off-chance that someone was actually upset, I will provide instruction to this group of “feminists” who don’t know what real feminism is, but know they don’t like it when men call women pretty.

Here’s the dirty little secret, feminists.  Actually, it’s not a dirty little secret, it’s a big neon sign flashing across all of mankind and all of history.  That is, all women want to be told they’re pretty.  So sorry no one has ever said it to you.  Carrie Fisher was a babe and I’m sure she would be flattered to hear Steve say it.  People also say she was caring, intelligent, witty, and of high moral character.  I didn’t know her so I have no way of knowing for sure, but I have seen nothing to indicate otherwise.  But I do know for sure that she was a babe.  Because I have eyeballs and a normal libido.  And that’s really the point, isn’t it, ugly girls?  That no one with a normal libido ever tells you that you are “the most beautiful creature” they have ever seen.

Please, girls, work on yourselves and get a boyfriend.  You’ll be happier*.  Trust me.

 

* and less annoying.

 

P.S. By way of further instruction to all the struggling females out there, here is a little clip I saw today featuring a few Slovakian couples:

Please direct your attention to the two women in this clip, especially the brunette.  Certainly a pretty girl but not the most stunning girl you’ll ever see.  Observe her mannerisms, reaction to the goof next to her, dress, and overall appearance.  Ask yourself why these two women may have boyfriends and you may not.  All four people in this clip (and probably the couple just off camera) seem to be happy.  This can be you, too.

 

i see you’ve played knifey spoony before

[[link if it doesn’t play on mobile]]

She takes that taze like a champ.

She was charged with “holding a knife in public?” What the hell, Australia?   Grow a pair. *

 

* Cause “that’s not a knife.”

Quick compilation of everything I know about Australia: