Attention women: stop friendzoning and start having children, says the following article.
Any article that even approaches advocating both genders live a bit more traditionally–you know, by doing doing things like having more than 1 children and doing it before you’re 30–and we release the hounds. And by hounds, I of course mean snarky young people (screenshots borrowed from here).
In case you haven’t noticed, our society is slowly climbing the rainbow of happiness to utopia and don’t you dare say anything otherwise. It’s 2017, guys, get with the times. Women are more than just baby-makers. Geez. And why are we still talking about the friendzone? Has anyone besides me seen When Harry Met Sally? That movie came out like 100 years ago.
Sorry, I’m getting distracted.
Usually, men who write articles like this get publicly shamed. People (mostly women) like to harp from the rafters about what a failure with women the guy must be, what a loser he is, or how he’s projecting all his own insecurities. I’m not going to do that to this guy, but I am going to say that his problem should not be with the real-or-mythical friendzone, it should with the men who participate in the game.
For that matter, both men and women suffer from this problem. That is, hanging around people that have no interest in dating them. We’ve all done it and, for the most part, it remains the fault of the “victim.” Guys, if the girl won’t go out with you, go find another one. If you don’t know if she’ll go out with you, find your balls and ask. Girls, if you’ve come onto a guy and he doesn’t ask you out then A) he’s not interested or B) he’s a sissy who won’t ask you out and you don’t want him anyway. All of you, quit expending your time and emotional energies on someone who will not reciprocate. Go find people who actively want to be with you, not those who are willing to have you only if you happen to be around. If a relationship is not meeting your needs because she’s friends with you but you want more, that’s your problem and your responsibility to get out. Not her fault.
Personally, I don’t buy the “men and women can never be friends” argument, at least not completely. Relationships–romantic and platonic–are all shades of gray. I have female friends who I don’t want to date and who don’t want to date me. Sometimes within these relationships, romantic feelings will develop over time and sometimes they don’t. Sometimes you end up fooling around with those people, sometimes you don’t. There are no strict rules and there doesn’t need to be. All we have to do is to know what our individual needs are, be honest about if those needs are being met, and ditch relationships that aren’t getting it done.
The biggest weakness with this article at The Federalist is that it doesn’t know what it’s trying to be: a lighthearted complaint about dating culture or a serious critique of the pressing social problem of under-population. Sure, it can be both (as I’m trying to be) but it doesn’t quite do either very well.
The deeper point regarding the decline of the family and the accompanying demographic problems as well as social implications is certainly worth at least a passing mention. It may be the most important issue of our time. The Mormon church certainly recognizes this: “[W]e warn that the disintegration of the family will bring upon individuals, communities, and nations the calamities foretold by ancient and modern prophets.” This was written over 20 years ago and time has proven it wise. Almost every societal problem is improved with stronger families. Low educational achievement, delinquency, spousal/child abuse, drug use, etc. all are mitigated when the child is in a stable nuclear family. Incomes, birth rates, and charitable giving (just to name a few) are also higher.
But we’re getting off track again.
The point is, if you don’t think enough women are getting serious about their lives and relationships the good news is you agree with me. The bad news is that you’re wrong to blame the friendzone; the problem is with all of us having our priorities and life goals screwed up.
Feminists celebrate women’s mass entrance into the workplace and politics, gained almost completely through the coercive power of the state. But through this they are now nothing more than cogs in the same all-consuming consumerist machine as men and thus become the slaves they always thought they were.
Ruling the household–the building block of society–and raising the coming generations was woman’s great and ennobling role. What they once had granted them true power and freedom. Instead they are bound just like men have always been to a life as laborer and resource-gatherer, a serf in the fields.
It’s a bit ironic, no?
Executive summary: Someone writes a long article complaining about Mormons being too judgy and how there’s gonna be a “revolution” against it. I write an article that’s almost as long explaining why this is a dumb premise and how there’s already a revolution going on within Mormonism.
Hello, what’s this? Why, it’s a long article that essentially amounts to yet another complaint within a restrictive “Puritanical” religion that its members are too judgmental! Stop me if you’ve heard this one before.
- I can imagine a time not too far off where a gay man, a straight man, a biker with full body tats, a woman who smokes, a man who reeks of liquor, a recently married couple who is having trouble with tithing, a recently re-baptized excommunicated member, a man with a full beard and jeans, and a returned missionary who is addicted to porn sitting in the same congregation together, who make it through all three hours of church without someone dressing them down with their eyes or their words…It’ll be a time where the families in that congregation recognize how hard it is for people to set foot inside a church once they feel like they’ve strayed too far.
- [[boring story from author’s mission about the time he met someone who had “strayed from the path” and how it totally changed his perspective]]
Sometimes I see blogs about Mormon life and wonder if it’s just a Utah thing. (Just like I see things in my own life and wonder if it’s just an LA thing.) Call me ignorant if you like, but I guess I forget there are still wards where people whisper disapprovingly because they see a tattoo. Hate to break it to you, but those people aren’t in the demo for a blog which is complaining about those people. And to be honest, much of our membership needs to do a little bit more judging (more on this later).
After the complaints, the rest of the article describes a “revolution” sweeping through the Church whereby members change their ways and all the author’s complaints are fixed. I found it confusing. It was like he was describing the Millennium. Yeah, you know how God “called his people Zion, because they were of one heart and one mind, and dwelt in righteousness; and there was no poor among them?” Let’s just do that!
Uh, yeah dude, there will be a revolution that ushers in Millennial-like conditions. It’s called, “The Millennium.”
- I believe this revolution will produce an environment in which people always feel comfortable when they step inside a church building. It’ll feel like home. They’ll never have to feel like they’ve got to watch their back. They’ll never have to worry about what sister so and so thinks about her outfit, or what brother such and such thinks about the fact that he returned home early from his mission.
- I wonder if people looked at the Sons of Mosiah and said… “Who do they think they are? How can they be missionaries? How can they represent Christ? How can they give advice in church when they were the vilest of sinners?”
- I see a place where people have study groups again to provide support for those that need friends to talk to about the things they hear on the internet and social media. I see a place where people support one another, ask questions, resolve concerns, and speak honestly about the things that give them trouble in life and in the church. I see a time where “home-teaching” is just referred to as “ministering” and more lessons will revolve around love and not quotas. I see a time where “fellowshipping” will be replaced by “friendshipping” and where pure love is a stronger motivator than guilt.
- I think this revolution will produce a people who don’t make a checklist of things they can and cannot do on the Sabbath… and then hold others to their own standard and checklist.
OK, now it sounds like the “I Have a Dream” speech.
Look, should Mormons be more loving? Should we be more willing to step outside our friendship circles and embrace others? Should we develop a genuine interest in others so when we reach out it feels natural instead of like we’re fulfilling an obligation? Hell yes. There’s so much untapped potential for good in our membership that can strengthen others and build our communities (more on this later). I’ve long said that Mormons can be a weird bunch with plenty of failings but they really are the best people I know.
That’s all that really needs to be said about the article. It has good ideas for things to work on (Although he is overthinking the whole “how to be more accepting” idea and I’ve found when Mormons do this they start being weird.) but entirely misses the point about the actual revolution that will happen within Mormonism. In fact, it’s going on right now.
Our prophets and leaders have alluded to it over and over and over again. They’ll do it again this coming weekend during General Conference. The line between God’s ways and the world’s ways continues to become more defined and more perilous to cross. Yes, there is a coming revolution, my friend, but it will be among those who seek to keep one foot in the world and one foot in the Gospel. It will be between friends and family who look at each other on opposite sides of the line. We’ve already seen members fall away because of it and in the coming years the battle will only worsen. The world will hate us even more and those who to even a small degree hold to the world’s approval will find themselves increasingly distant from the Church and God’s people.
This is what I meant above when I said Mormons need to do a little bit more judging. Not the prejudiced and mean-spirited judging this guy talked about, but a righteous judgment, separating truth from error, wickedness from righteousness, and worldliness from godliness. Accepting and loving all people, but holding (“grasping” as the scripture says) to the iron Word of God.
Let me tell you what I now see: I see members who tolerate too much of the world–too much degenerate culture–in their own lives. Who consume media that is repugnant and degrading. Who prioritize frivolity over spirituality. Who try to be so accepting of other lifestyles that they slip into the falsehood that is moral relativism. Who tolerate things like abortion or physician-assisted suicide because it coincides with some of their other political ideas (see the recent Women’s March). Who are more interested in material goods than a savings account. I speak strongly of these things because I myself fall victim to this spiritually-dangerous way of thinking far too often.
Again, there is so much untapped good among our membership. The world will cry for men and women of principle and lightness to lead them and their communities. People to whom they can look who will display confidence and poise in the coming times in which “there shall be… distress of nations, with perplexity; the sea and the waves roaring; men’s hearts failing them for fear.”
Let us be prepared for this revolution.
Ugh. Biology is a tough, cruel, sadistic bitch.
Just because it’s a comedy doesn’t make it any less true. It sucks, ladies, and I know it’s not fair. But you have to be realistic about things.
There is an idea currently popular among young men and women (but especially women) that their 20’s are for themselves–to travel, spend lots of time/money on hobbies, and date/sleep around. This is bogus. Your entire life is for yourself. What I mean is that your 20’s are not time off, they are a contribution to the whole. If you have things you want in the future (and most people will be happier with marriage and family), sometimes you need to start now on them, just like the woman in this video. We’ve lost sight of this and now are creating far too many lonely women. As always, I blame feminism but excessive materialism plays a large role, too.
Sure, some things can be delayed. For example, many people don’t figure out their career aspirations until well into their 30’s. However, if you’re female it’s time to get started on the family thing. I’ve said for a while that the most important thing a woman can do in her 20’s is find a good man. True happiness for both sexes comes from finding a good spouse but (again, sorry) a man’s time window is bigger.
Attention millennials: you want to be happy? Start with self-improvement and do it in this way: Men, ask yourselves what you’re doing to make yourself a better husband and father. Women, are you becoming a better wife and mother? What kinds of attributes do those things entail? Here’s a hint: it has less to do with your job and hobbies and more to do with living as your grandparents did. Even if, for whatever reason, family and all that is delayed for you, the kind of person you will become if what I said above is your goal will make you more attractive to the opposite sex and more likely to succeed in dating and a relationship. Give it a try.
All we hear is how “wild” Duke fans are and how “intimidating” Cameron Indoor is. I blame Dick Vitale for this. God love him, for years he just couldn’t help himself from yelling, “Look at the fans! Look at the Dookies! It’s college basketball baby!!!”
But is this true? Let’s find out together!
Uh, we’re off to a rocky start. I bet frisbee golf with this crew this coming Saturday is gonna be dope. Do you think anyone here knew what basketball was before their rich alumni parents made them attend Duke?
Right into the Terror Dome! The belly of the beast. Featuring four-eyes, flabby arms, and people who probably own adult coloring books. I’m not a tough guy but I would not hesitate fight anyone in this pack, women included. Unless their parents are lawyers… their parents are probably lawyers… retracted.
But do these fans bother the visiting players? The giant athletes who stand mere inches from the Crazies?
This dude looks more confused than anything. Like he’s surprised someone let the nerds out of the science lab.
“I bet no one here has ever held a basketball.”
In case you’re wondering, I included a .gif showing what fans who I might actually be intimidated by look like. Coming to you from Auburn, frat bros filled with creatine, testosterone, and beer drank from a funnel:
Even the old man wants to go.