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i see you’ve played knifey spoony before

[[link if it doesn’t play on mobile]]

She takes that taze like a champ.

She was charged with “holding a knife in public?” What the hell, Australia?   Grow a pair. *


* Cause “that’s not a knife.”

Quick compilation of everything I know about Australia:

why do i always have to be the voice of reason? j/k it’s my favorite thing to do

Thanks, Facebook Friends for another moronic item on my timeline!


“How many dumb people can we find on a college campus?”

These things are all the same, right?  I knew this going in but still watched some of it.

After about a minute I thought, “Who TF made this?”

Without a bit of surprise, I saw the creator was Salon, that shoddy rag of a newspaper* which specializes in sneering, self-righteous arrogance masquerading as highbrow insights.

I’m not sure what we’re supposed to take away from this video other than contempt for our fellow man.  So what good is it?  It’s not very funny.  We’ve seen this stuff before — so it’s not entertaining.  You can’t base any conclusions off it because it’s nothing more than hand-picked anecdotes.  So it’s not informative.  Again: so what good is it?  Hell, you can’t even say it’s on the right side of waste-of-time.

You know what’s more annoying that dumb people everywhere?  People who think they’re clever but who really aren’t any smarter than average who go around and point out how dumb the average person is.

Honestly, dumb people don’t bother any more than ugly people bother me.  Some people are beautiful, some people aren’t.  Some people are born smart, some people are born stupid.  It’s kind of how the world works, so why worry about it?  Why judge people for it?  Sure, public figures and random idiots who affect us personally may deserve our scorn but this idea that we should be bothered by the fact that somewhere in the country a stupid person is walking down street is even more stupid.  In fact, I’ll go so far as saying that if your answer to “What’s one of the biggest problems in the world?” is “Too many dumb people,” you are an asshole and probably a dipshit yourself, just like that moron I wrote about last week.

Someone once asked Leonardo DiCaprio whether he thought people were inherently good or evil.  “I think they’re just people,” he answered.**  This applies to whether people are inherently stupid or smart.  They’re just people.***

If I’m walking down the street and someone with a camera asks me who won the Civil War, I’m answering, “Canada.”


* I know they’re neither a newspaper nor a rag because they’re online but you know what I mean.

** OK, that was a line from Blood Diamond.

*** But for real, everyone is stupid.

more people that agree with me which implies i am always right

So there’s this guy on YouTube named ramzpaul. Google tells me he’s on the “Alt-Right” but whatever that means, at least he has some ideas on Star Wars that coincide pretty well with mine. Since I’m capable of holding two thoughts in my head, before you criticize me for linking to a weirdo like this, I think I can agree with him here without agreeing with him on all his nationalistic views. Isn’t that how debate works? Can’t remember.

The video:

My reviews:

the anti-male commercials just keep rolling

I’ve been complaining about this shit for a long time.  Gavin McInnes has, too.  He also has a funny game: make the same commercial with the same script but replace the white male with a black female.  Watch the outrage roll in.

Try it in today’s example, brought to you by GE:

You see how insulting that is?  Our modern world has decided, however, that these type of insults can only be directed towards men.  I’m not asking you to stop insulting them but I am saying that everyone should be on the table or no one should be.

As part of my traditional sexist ranting, let me fix this ad for you, GE: in the real world, the jet engine is being built by that red-haired autistic nerd and the cute, perky brunette has a Master’s in Psych and works a 9-5 HR job.  She also drives a Prius, uses 3 online dating services, and has a rescue dog.

did that stupid sitcom friends trigger the end of western civilization?

You may not think this about me, but I love seeing people post articles on Facebook. Like Jack Donaghy said, “It’s like seeing a dog wearing clothes.” I get to not only read an article that is silly and uninspiring, but also see which of my idiot friends think said article is actually insightful. It’s not that good articles don’t exist, it’s that approximately 0% of articles posted to Facebook are not stupid.

Today, thanks to one of my Facebook friends, we’ll take a broadstroke, superficial, and probably equally uninsightful look at one man’s interpretation of Friends.

article on about Ross failing at life because he surrounds himself with stupid friends

Western Civilization started its downfall long before Friends, my friend. Friends is not the catalyst of the downfall of Western Civilization, it’s just a symbol of the downfall; a sad little microcosm for the sad lives of our people.

Let’s recap the show: 6 idiots live in one of the most expensive cities in the world because they’re too focused on trying to be trendy than actually getting on with their lives and pursuing worthwhile things. The men live like college boys well into their thirties and move from one fruitless enterprise to the next while ruining their relationships because they can’t grow up. The women spend their daytime hours convincing themselves they can achieve fulfillment if only they had the right job and their nighttime hours messing up every one of their relationships because they can’t get their priorities right. Although I guess one character dumps Tom Selleck because she wants kids and he doesn’t but that doesn’t excuse the year or so she wasted with him.

So did Friends trigger the downfall of society or is it just a showcase of everything stupid in our society that produces so many unfulfilled, immature, and miserable young people?

What does this author want? For all the people to sit around and read books? Ugh. As if that will fix anything. It’s OK, dude. Ross can have stupid friends. You can have stupid friends. Everyone can have stupid friends. In fact, you probably are a stupid friend.

Ross doesn’t waste his life because he hangs out with fun people who aren’t intellectual, he wastes his life because he picked a bitch of a first wife. Then, he fucked up his subsequent relationships because he dated insecure and immature women instead of the family-oriented type he should have pursued seeing as he had a child. Now maybe his dumb friends contributed to that pattern but I give them a pass.  I see the whole bunch as victims of a society in decline.

Now let’s play armchair psychologist for the author and call this his article what it is: something “provocative” to get clicks.

Fine, that’s every article on the internet about 90’s pop culture.

But if it’s two things, the other thing is this: a self-high-five for how smart the author is. “Oh, what’s wrong with society? Too many stupid people. Look how they bullied Ross. I wish more people could be smart like me. I sit around all the time thinking how much better the world would be if everyone could just understand Science™ and not be so anti-intellectual. The fact that I have this complaint makes me super intellectual. And everyone who tells me my article is interesting is also intellectual because they see how intellectual I am (and thereby also pat themselves on the back).”

I’m going to do this author one better. The problem with the world isn’t too many anti-intellectuals, it’s too many people who think they are intellectuals but are actually dumbshits. Now maybe that sounds like a reframed “too many dumb people” argument but I like to think that it isn’t. People are as smart and as dumb as they ever have been and ever will be.

There’s too much “thinking” going on these days. Everyone needs to just relax, pursue the right things, and try to follow their parents’ examples. Western Civilization didn’t become #1 because we worshipped at the feet of Leonardo da Vinci and it won’t stay number one because we write blogs about useless sitcoms from 10 years ago.