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did that stupid sitcom friends trigger the end of western civilization?

You may not think this about me, but I love seeing people post articles on Facebook. Like Jack Donaghy said, “It’s like seeing a dog wearing clothes.” I get to not only read an article that is silly and uninspiring, but also see which of my idiot friends think said article is actually insightful. It’s not that good articles don’t exist, it’s that approximately 0% of articles posted to Facebook are not stupid.

Today, thanks to one of my Facebook friends, we’ll take a broadstroke, superficial, and probably equally uninsightful look at one man’s interpretation of Friends.

article on about Ross failing at life because he surrounds himself with stupid friends

Western Civilization started its downfall long before Friends, my friend. In fact, Friends is a symbol of the downfall of Western Civilization, not the catalyst of its fall.

Let’s recap the show: 6 idiots live in one of the most expensive cities in the world because they’re too focused on trying to be trendy than actually getting on with their lives. The men live like college kids well into their thirties and move from one failed enterprise to the next and ruin their relationships because they can’t grow up. The women spend their daytime hours convincing themselves they can achieve fulfillment by getting the right job and their nightime hours messing up every one of their relationships because they never figured out what they really want out of life. I guess one character dumps Tom Selleck because she knows she wants kids but that doesn’t excuse the year or so she wasted with him. 

Did Friends trigger the downfall of society or is it just a showcase of everything stupid in our society that produces so many unfulfilled, immature, and miserable young people?

What does this author want? For all the people to sit around and read books? Ugh. As if that will fix anything. It’s OK, dude. Ross can have stupid friends. You can have stupid friends. Everyone can have stupid friends. In fact, you are probably a stupid friend. 

Ross doesn’t waste his life because he hangs out with fun people who aren’t intellectual, he wastes his life because he picked a bitch of a first wife. Then, he fucked up his subsequent relationships because he dated insecure and immature women instead of the family-oriented type he should have pursued seeing as he had a child. Now maybe his dumb friends contributed to that pattern but I still see the whole bunch as victims of a society in decline.

Now let’s play armchair psychologist and call this dude’s article what it is: something “provocative” to get clicks.

Fine, that’s every article on the internet about 90’s pop culture.

But if it’s two things, the other thing is this: a self-high-five for how smart the author is. “Oh, what’s wrong with society? Too many stupid people. Look how they bullied Ross. I wish more people could be smart like me. I sit around all the time thinking how much better the world would be if everyone could just understand Science™ and not be so anti-intellectual. The fact that I have this complaint makes me super intellectual. And everyone who tells me my article is interesting is also intellectual because they see how intellectual I am (and thereby also pat themselves on the back).”

I’m going to do this author one better. The problem with the world isn’t too many anti-intellectuals, it’s too many people who think they are intellectuals but are actually dumbshits. Now maybe that sounds like a reframed “too many dumb people” argument but I like to think that is isn’t. People are as smart and as dumb as they ever have been and ever will be.

There’s too much “thinking” going on these days. Everyone needs to just relax, pursue the right things, and try to follow their parents’ examples. Western Civilization didn’t become #1 because we worshipped at the feet of Leonardo da Vinci and it won’t stay number one because we write blogs about useless sitcoms from 10 years ago.

california knows how to party

From 2014: Angelenos Spend An Extra $2,485 Each Year Because Of Our Crappy Roads

From 2016: L.A. Drivers Pay Nearly $3,000 A Year For Traffic, Crashes And Bad Roads, Says Report

Statistics may not be my strong suit, but this definitely might possibly be a step backwards.


But you rock that t-shirt, babe.


Cue the music for all the Angelinos in the house!


I hate this place.

follow-up to Rogue One trailer: i’m right

Rogue One: Felicity Jones on the importance of women in the Rebellion

Money quotes:

  • To help the Rebellion secure the plans that will eventually help Luke Skywalker destroy the Death Star, her conscripted outlaw will fight in space, on land, in the pouring rain, and under a sweltering desert sun.
  • At 5-foot-3, Jones is not the typical war-movie brawler, but she says that’s part of Jyn’s underdog appeal.
  • Physically, she’s smaller than everyone else around her, but… when someone has something they believe in, that’s what powers them, that’s what motivates them, that’s what can give someone enormous strength.
  • There’s no doubt a lot of dudes make up the resistance fighting force, but women — such as Princess Leia at the diplomatic level, to Jyn on the battlefield — are its leaders.
  • At a time when the United States has just nominated its first female candidate for president, Jones says fantasy can change reality for the better by showing even more female action heroes. “It’s vital,” she says. “As we’re seeing in politics, it is a world where women are becoming leaders of nations, and films should be reflecting that.”


Everyone keeps trying to say, “Hey man, why are you such a sexist asswipe?  What’s wrong with a female lead?  Six other movies had male leads and now just two have female leads.  What’s the big deal?”

Well, it’s not like they randomly chose to have a female star in this one.  People act like it was no big deal because women are half the population so why wouldn’t one star in this new movie.

Uh, don’t you see?  It’s part of a concerted effort to make statements.  And it was statements that fucked up Episode 7.  They are shoehorning in a little girl (5’3″) to fight full-grown men because girl power.

It makes no sense!  Doesn’t anyone notice this?  I feel like I’m taking crazy pills!

Leia was an awesome character.  She was a leader, fighter, and a killer.  However, she was also a fully-developed female character with all the shortcomings and attributes of a real-life woman.  Rey was a cardboard stand-in for what you people think a kickass woman should be.  Shallow, unrealistic, and transparent.

Just wait; this new movie with its new kickass girl is going to be a lot more Rey than Leia.  How do I know this?  Because our modern world has lost its mind and can’t identify the differences between men and women beyond their genitalia and thus can’t write proper characters.  At least, not in big-budget Hollywood flicks.



BTW, how’s that whole “women leading nations” thing going?  Margaret Thatcher was awesome but the current generation now spits on her because she was a little conservative.  Angela Merkel still destroying Europe’s civil society and importing a literal rape culture?  Hillary Clinton still taking money from terrorist-funding Saudi Arabia and starting wars that kill Muslims?  OK, then.  Not saying they can’t lead nations, but we might need more evidence.

shocker of the century: joel being an asshole irritated someone

In response to my post about the new Rogue One trailer, another blogger decided to write a rebuttal to every point I made.

Here’s the link.

Now is this the part where I respond to the response?  Go point by point and show how each of his point by points are wrong and I am right? *

Uh, no.  First of all, that would directly conflict with my proclamation in my original post that I don’t care.  Well… maybe even writing this means that I care?  Shit.

Second of all, when I read it, I thought, “Eh, that’s probably fair.”

Lesson for everyone out there: when you write a post at 1 a.m. that’s essentially a rant instead of a well-thought-out piece, you can’t really get too upset when someone lampoons it.  Don’t worry, I’m not backing off my opinions at all, but I am saying there is a definite tongue-in-cheek nature to that post.  Many things in it are obviously hyperbole and some things are just outright silly jokes.

“But, Joel, what do you really think about these things?” asked no one.

I’m glad you asked.  Specifically related to Star Wars I’ve written a couple of posts (Part 1 and Part 2) that people who didn’t like my Rogue One rant would be well-served to read.  True, there may be some debate as to whether these two posts qualify as “well-thought-out”, “intelligent”, or even “literate” but one thing for sure is they are definitely longer.  In them, you’ll find better vocabulary, less objectification of women, more opinions that people probably think are sexist (e.g., what is a social construct and what isn’t), and certainly more typos. **


* And yes, that’s a terrible sentence.

** No guarantees about the objectification thing.

rogue one trailer: how many more male roles are we going to have women play?

Welp, since one wasn’t enough, the Big D had to double down:

Coming to theaters soon is Episode 2 of Star Wars: Female Reboot.  Gear up this December for an Epic Showdown between Woman and Sinister Man who for some reason will get his ASS kicked despite having every MENTAL and PHYSICAL advantage.  Prepare yourself to JOURNEY across the stars with said Female while she rallies a group of MALES who would otherwise SHIT on their own FEET but with the Woman manage to save the GALAXY.

Soooo, the same thing we had last December?  Got it.



What happened to you, America?  You used to be cool.

Listen, I’ve said this before, other people have said this before, and I will keep saying it: these type of movies do not work with a female lead.  Women are caretakers, nurturers, sympathizers, and nest-ers.  They are not battle leaders.  They are not warriors.  They are not adventure-seeking badasses.  Cripes, why is this hard to understand?  It’s not like we’ve had thousands of years of evolution for evidence.

I suppose it’s because people’s memory on these things lasts about 3 days.  A week if we’re lucky.  In this time frame, woman have always been running the world.  Wait, why do men even exist?  I can’t remember.

Go ahead, everyone — send me all your anecdotal evidence of awesome broads.  Talking to you, feminists, and you, pussy men who are trying to suck up to women.  Whatever you send, I don’t care because I deal in bigger terms.

Let’s run it back one more time for the short bus: these movies are for little kids.  Little kids like to play make believe.  Little girls make believe about pretty houses, dolls, and playtime with their best friends.  Little boys pretend they’re off in space killing bad guys.  And in these little boys’ imaginations, who do you think is alongside them?

This person? *

Or this person?

Or, for the young boys who will one day get shoved in lockers, it may also be this person:


One day the world will figure it out.


* OK, she may be in my fantasies, but you get what I mean.


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