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case study: motorcycle vloggers and the cars that almost hit them

Well, I did tell ya so.

 

Almost makes me want to root for the guy in the Jeep.  Almost.  Classic case of motorcyclist who never learned to ride properly and then thinks everyone else sucks at driving.  We all know people who drive cars like this and perhaps I’ve been one myself.  So certain of my own infallibility as a motorist I can met out judgement on all others.  Well, you can get away with that shit in a car, but not on a motorcycle as this vlogging idiot almost found out.

 

Video breakdown:

1) Cars cannot hear your pipes.  Even if they do, they can’t pinpoint the location of the noise.  I guess this guy thinks that once a driver hears a motorcycle somewhere in the vicinity, that driver should never move his car until the sound disappears for fear of hitting the bike.  Which leads into my second point…

2) The biker was in the guy’s blindspot.  The driver may very well have checked his mirrors and did the shoulder look but bikes are easy to miss.  Of course, it’s the driver’s fault, but the motorcyclist has got to be realistic here.

3) Most importantly, this dude has pisspoor riding technique.  A car enters your lane so you panic, yank your clutch and throttle, and then swerve into the other lane?  Cripes that’s almost the complete opposite of what you should do.  Clutch in?  I mean, clutch in?  It’s like he wanted to lay it down.  Horn and brake, idiot.  Horn and brake.  At that slow speed there’s no need for a swerve and for sure not a swerve into another lane where a different car could hit you.  Loud pipes do not save lives.  Loud horns and brakes save lives.

 

Yes, the guy acknowledges it was a bit of a panic move… and then proceeds to go on his merry way with his moronic vlog.  Maybe riding and talking is too advanced for this guy and his time would be better spent just learning to ride.  I mean, that was a minor incident and you freaked the fuck out, dude.  CALM DOWN.  Add that mentality to your current riding skills and you’re doing yourself no favors.  Just another rider who not only gets himself into trouble but furthers the war between cars and motorcycles.

And bro, you’re riding in Atlanta.  Try splitting lanes during LA rush hour and have cars switch lanes when you’re 2 feet from their rear wheel (see #4).

lady gaga’s superbowl national anthem: patriotic grandstanding and pageantry

(video posted at the bottom)

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“Crushing it.”  – Lady Gaga’s brain.

 

I’m not going to fire up the Hot Take generator regarding the national anthem a la Kevin Blackiston, but I will say this: I could not roll my eyes hard enough at the performance of the National Anthem before Superbowl 50.  Every major sporting event now turns into a contest between all the other sporting events for which one can be more patriotic.

It’s like when some famous guy comes out and says he hates gay people.  You have people tripping over themselves, throwing elbows, and stabbing bitches to get to the front of the line to declare what an asshole that guy is.  Grandstanding on something almost universally agreed upon and then acting like they themselves are a big deal.

“I’m so offended by this.  I love gays!”  

“No, love gays!”

“No, both of you suck.  I’m the biggest lover of the gays on the planet!”

Yes, guys, we get it.  Hating gay people is a very bad thing.

 

In the same way, I think being patriotic (i.e., loving your homeland and appreciating its history and your fore-bearers who fought for it) is a good thing.  But what we now have is this:

“I love the Anthem and America, look at that big-ass flag!”

“No, love the Anthem.  I got an even bigger flag and a fly-over.”

“You both are America-hating commie rats.  I got a fly-over, a flag the size of the entire fucking field, war veterans, an aircraft carrier, Marilyn Monroe back from the dead, and a band made up of Bruce Springsteen, the Eagles, the Beach Boys, an Elvis impersonator, and every one of last year’s CMA winners all singing on top of an giant apple pie.  Suck it, pussies.”

Yes, guys, we get it.  Being patriotic is a good thing.

 

I’ll give everyone the benefit of a doubt.  I don’t think people actually believe that having an excessive celebration for the “Star-Spangled Banner” makes them more patriotic.  But that’s kind of my point.  It’s about the show, not the patriotism.  Patriotism is on the decline.  Voter turnouts are terrible.  People have never been more ignorant or apathetic regarding our founding principles, documents, and history.

So why do we need to do this?  Why haven’t we gotten over this kind of fraudulent pageantry regarding something so intimate and supposedly dear to our hearts?  It’s the terrible ‘MURICA joke people yell during fireworks celebrations taken to a macro level.  And I’m so tired of it.

Before sports start, now we need to sit through a mini America Pageant.  Superbowl 50 was no exception.  If this was a contest (and it is), it BLEW everything else in recent memory out of the water.

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Huge flag?  Check.  Fly-over?  Check.

 

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Shot of well-known player who is crying and/or really feelin’ the anthem?  Check.

 

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Toops?  Check.

Hey, did you guys know we have troops?  I just keep forgetting.  In my defense, though, most of America forgets we have troops except when we need them to stand in front us to certify our patriotism.

 

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Sign-language lady?  Uh… check?

OK, why is this woman here?  Like, why would deaf people need her?  Everyone knows the words and Lady Gaga was doing quite enough to communicate the “emotions” of the song.  Hmm.  Just more pageantry and look-at-us bullshit, I guess.

 

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“Drink it in, bitches.”

This last shot actually summarizes the National Anthem production best.  Just a collective fist-pump for an entire crew that pulled off an epic show.  Not a genuine display of patriotism, just entertainment.  Which leads me back to the questions I posed at the beginning of this post: Why is this kind of excess the measure of our love of country?  Why do we need to pay entertainers to put on some show that just lets us scream and cheer for something we go back to not caring about or doing anything about until the next major sporting event?

I get putting on a show.  I get that part of American culture is being bigger, louder, cooler, and better than everyone else (and I don’t necessarily think that’s a bad thing).  This stuff, however, has gone too far and dilutes the point of the National Anthem.  The Superbowl National Anthem seemed like something Team America would do when trying to make fun of how we like to act like we’re all patriots.  Fourth of July fireworks are fast approaching this same level.  “Celebrate the independence of your nation by blowing up a small part of it.”

 

Tommy J, A-Ham, H-cock, and GW would be so proud.

 

Full video:

 

 

article link: helping women know the keys to a great relationship

Does not get much better than this article. This guy gets it. His wife gets it. Every woman who applies these things will also get it.

10 FOR SURE Ways To Get A Man To Love You Forever (Yes, Forever)

The key to any meaningful relationship is for both parties to provide a mutually nurturing environment. Part of that is understanding that as men and women, we value things differently and have different needs. Of course, everyone says they know that, but the current state of most relationship advice or the presentation of relationships in the media says otherwise.

Women, as naturally-gifted nurturers, you have a distinct advantage here. It’s powerful and why that while I’ve said a woman needs a man so she can be a better person, it’s equally true that a man will never reach his full potential without a good woman. “Neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord.

What I like most about this article is that it gives specific things women can do that will nurture their men and relationships. Some women out there may take offense (or be at least put off) by the more “superficial” suggestions. Things like women should put more effort into their appearance for the sake of their spouse. Or that they go out of their way to initiate sex. I can tell you from experience and from friends’ experiences that this is very needed and surprisingly lacking among modern women, especially women in the West.

Ladies, if you don’t like that last paragraph here’s my response: too bad. That’s how men work and it will never change. So stand on your principles all you want. Keep living as you are and telling yourselves you’re already good enough. Knock yourselves out. Meanwhile, the women that heed this guy’s advice will just casually go on and have wonderful relationships.

Lastly, Gordon Hinckley (the MAN) said it for years: “If you will make your first concern the comfort, the well-being, and the happiness of your companion, sublimating any personal concern to that loftier goal, you will be happy, and your marriage will go on through eternity.”

tbt: nissan juke “donut action” commercial

Until I recall a different, better commercial, I’m dubbing this the GOAT of car commercials. It’s a car I’d probably never consider, but the way I see it here, a part of me goes, “Eh, why not? Unconventional and a little weird, but there’s a chance I love it.”

The cocksure attitude of the “what is your emergency” line, the glances of the females, the epic music, the clever ways of showing actual features of the car, and the tongue-in-check nature of the entire ad telling the viewer, “Look, we know it’s not James Bond’s car and you’re just a schlub in a cubicle, but this car makes daily life just a bit more exciting.”

What an ad.

if you put one of these scenes in your movie, you suck at movie writing

The goal is to establish both the virtue and toughness of the main male character.  The setting is almost always a bar because we want everyone to know he’s a bit of a rebel.  Then, just have him beat up the most irredeemable douchebag on the planet.  Easy peasy.  Usually said douchebag is sexually harassing a woman (always an attractive woman because who gives a shit about the ugly ones, right?), bullying a smaller person, or threatening an innocent.  Also, the hero will either easily dispatch the douche, impress the girl, or both.

Here’s an example from Man of Steel:

 

I’ve been in my fair share of bars and I’ve never seen a person be this big of an asshole without getting thrown out.  Try this at a random bar and you’ll find a mob of people coming to the waitress’s defense.  Hell, you’ll even get into trouble for smelling her hair when she’s not looking (trust me).

 

Another one from Leap Year:

 

Of course, this entire movie and not just this scene reeks of “series of adventures allow misunderstood guy to win over the princess who would otherwise have no reason to be interested in him.”  (More on that later.)  I guess women like those kind of movies?  I like it because it takes place in Ireland and has cool scenery.  Otherwise, it kind of sucks.

Anyway, these scenes don’t always need to be set in a bar.  How about this one from The Expendables?*

 

But they do work better in a bar right?  The Fighter:

 

Hey Amy, you seem great at getting yourself into trouble when you hang around in bars.  Try fighting your own battles a little bit, please.  Thanks.

Armchair psychologist time:  Besides just being a cliche, the other reason these type of scenes are pathetic is that they are little more than fantasy fulfillment by loser movie-makers who could never get the girl or beat up the bully.  It’s some kind of bizarre save-the-damsel-in-distress daydream in which the “hero” (who’s really just a stand-in for the screenwriter) can finally show the object of his affections what he’s made of.

Case in point from Good Will Hunting.  Sometimes an actual fight isn’t even necessary.  In fact, this one might be even more of the geek’s daydream than before because now he defeats the bully with brains!  Of course, if you listen to what Matt Damon says after he outwits the douche, he could totally beat him up if he wanted to.

 

Even if we dispense with my piss-poor understanding of psychology, these type of scenes are still hacky.  The vast majority of people have an innate sense of justice and want to see villains stopped by a good, strong person.  (Mostly the hero is male because of our instinct to look to our fathers for protection.  Sorry, that was more psychology.)  But while the struggle between good and evil is what makes many of these movies compelling, let’s get some real villains in there, huh?  Not some cornball replacement that’s only there to establish character traits — traits that could be established with skilled writing.

Well, in closing, allow me to slightly contradict myself from earlier:  At some level, most tough-guy scenes could be categorized as “fantasy fulfillment.”  But the good ones are clever, fun, and don’t make me roll my eyes.  We learn about the character and/or the environment, but there’s no campy villains and damsels conjured out of the screenwriter’s repressed teenage loneliness.  Here are a few:

Star Trek:

 

A Bronx Tale (these villains are a little campy, I guess, but so is the whole movie):

 

Knockaround Guys (get him, Vin!):

 

Jack Reacher:

 

* By the way, I like Jason Statham as much as the next knuckle-dragger, but did you see the way he tosses the basketball to himself at 1:29?  Dude is not an athlete.

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