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Rock of Ages

June 2, 2012

I’m pretty sure Rock of Ages is going to suck.  It’s just that so much of the thing is banking on the idea that people want to watch old actors play parts that are funny just because of who is playing that part.

For instance, Alec Baldwin, who usually plays a straight-laced cop or a business fat-cat, is a free-lovin’, drug-doin’ rock and roll club manager.  Isn’t that wacky?

Catherine Zeta-Jones played a scantily-clad murderer  in her last musical movie, but now she’s a stick-up-her-butt pompous Christian do-gooder!  That one screams entertainment.

Tom Cruise is actually crazy and self-obsessed in real life.  So have him play someone that crazy and self-obsessed in the movie.  Who could have imagined such a literal pairing of roles and actors?  It’s like the guy selling this movie is saying, “It’s so funny because you didn’t think we’d actually do it.”

Malin Akerman’s and Julianne Hough’s parts are just like Tom’s in that they match real life: in real life, both are super hot.  I predict it will carry over to the movie.  Admittedly, this one may not contribute to the movie’s demise, but I don’t really think it will put asses in seats.  I have Children’s Hospital and Couple’s Retreat on DVD – don’t think I need to see this one.  And I have no idea who Julianne Hough is, but imdb says she was an extra in Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone, so I’m covered there, too.  Wait, that’s not weird is it?

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