i’m going to blame low incidence of teen sex on one thing: low testosterone in men

The other day there was an interesting and yet – for those of us who think the majority of modern men are pussies – not surprising report via CNN: Teen sex rate lowest since the 1980s.*

There are a few major problems with this.  The first is that no one seems to think this is a problem.  Now as a religious man, I’m supposed to say that premarital sex is a bad thing and therefore less premarital sex is a good thing.  Well, that’s not necessarily true because we’re sidestepping the question of why.  If infrequent teen sex is merely an indicator of a more problematic trend, then even the God-fearing might have reason to be concerned over the trends among the heathen.

The second problem is that low the low rate of teen sex IS hiding a bigger issue and that is modern men are pussies.  Sexless pussies.  This is really the major problem and we’re going to see how everything is but a symptom of this main problem.  Keep reading and we’ll find what’s causing it.

But first, as a sidebar, I’m going to talk about how this problem compounds due to our love of “science” and “studies” and inability to sack up and run with a solution.  Even if people were willing to admit that there could be a problem indicated by these stats from CNN, no one except people like me will come out and say what the cause is.  No one will even venture a fucking guess!  Nooo, we need more studies to be absolutely sure before we can say anything.  How about you just sack up and say something?  Most of the world’s greatest advancements and inventions were done by people who just shrugged and ran with something.  But all modern “science” has become is a collective feminization of our willingness to say anything definitively; it’s the way to state a conclusion in the most roundabout way possible in order to offend the least amount of people (and even then it’s often not soft enough).  “Oh, it’s not me saying it, it’s the studies.”  Every time I argue with a chick or a sissy-male eventually I get, “Well, where’s your evidence?  What’s the stats on that?”  You know how many theorems Einstein just glossed over because he had bigger points to make?  But that’s another article for another time.  It will be good and have supporting links and stuff.  (And I will sound like less of an ignoramus.)

Back to the topic at hand:  Let’s go deeper.  What could be the cause of such a problem?  Well, a separate article could be written about each of the points I’m going to make but it boils down to there being too many activities that men are doing which lower their testosterone.  Or, rather, men are neglecting too many activities that would raise their testosterone.  (Finally, I get to the title of the blog, huh?)  And yes, I’m not a fucking doctor, so it’s a wee bit subjective.  Chill out.  There are three lists:  1) testosterone-boosting activities (manly activities), 2) testosterone-neutral activities (meh), and 3) testosterone-diminishing activities (sissy activities).

  • Sex-drive / testosterone / manliness boosting
    • Lifting for total strength (max weight)
    • Boxing or MMA training
    • Repairing or building cars / machinery / structures / other large things
    • Riding motorcycles
    • Cooking meat
    • Playing contact sports or golf in male-only groups
    • Watching sports without women
    • Kicking ass at work / making more money
    • Drinking hard liquor
    • Hitting on women
    • Getting up early
    • Building a fire
    • Doing something illegal
  • Sex-drive / testosterone / manliness neutral
    • Lifting for definition
    • Cooking things that aren’t meat
    • Cardio exercise
    • Watching sports with women
    • Watching Netflix or any network TV show with a linear plot
    • Video games
    • Drinking craft beer
    • Smoking weed
    • Having lots of female friends
    • Driving a hybrid
  • Sex-drive / testosterone / manliness diminishing
    • Porn
    • Yoga
    • Social media
    • Shopping
    • Eating lots of deserts
    • Driving a Prius or electric car (Tesla excluded)
    • Drinking anything not of a brown tone
    • Having lots of female friends (in two categories because the type of friends they are can vary widely)

“Oh, he just listed the most stereotypical male things in order of descending masculinity.”  Yeah, idiots, of course I did.  The proof is in the pudding.

Some activities I could not categorize because the variety is too wide.  For instance, I started to put the Arts (including film, photography, painting, music, etc) into the middle category but realized it could easily fit into all three.  So you’ll have figure it out on your own.  If you’re watching Ant Man, you’re firmly in the middle.  (Too much of that shit and you’re in the bottom.  I mean… come on.)  If you’re playing a Jimmy Page rift, you might be in the top.  I reread the Crispin’s Day Speech from Henry V last night before bed and felt pretty fucking tough.

To the men, if you doubt me, just experiment on these things.  Eliminate anything you do in the last category, drop a couple in the middle category, and work in as many of the top category as you can and see how you feel.  Just feel it.  Feel it in the loins.

To the women, spend more time with men in the top category.  See which ones you feel more like banging.  Be honest.

As a final note, keep in mind these lists distinguish between activities which promote manliness and which do not.  They do not imply, “You are not a man if you eat desert.”  Rather they imply, “If you spend all your time eating desert with your gal pals while shopping and checking Instagram, you will turn into a chick.”

The men of our society have gone too far toward the bottom two lists.  Bring back the sex.

For further reading, here’s a list of humorous stuff I’ve come across.  As I remember more of them I will add them to the list:

Grillax, bro

Gavin McInnes’ Sexless Assistant

* CNN seems to be grabbing headlines.  They admit later in the article that almost all of the decline occurred from 1988-1995 during the HIV scare.  Thanks, shitheads.  Well at least two other articles, here and here support my premise enough.

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