look at this poor sumbitch

And the NY Post actually gave her an article.  Of course they did.  As a quick sidebar, I’m going to refer you to my About page.  Remember when I said I no longer claim Portland, Oregon as my hometown?  Yup, here it is.  Portlanders.  I think it’s safe to say I found something else to add to my testosterone-diminishing list.

Let’s paint a picture of this couple a few years from now:

Becky and Tom (I forgot their names and I’m sure as hell not re-skimming that god-awful article) are in their mid-thirties and it’s been a couple years since their baby was born.  They’ve thought about having another but this first one was just so time-consuming and Becky doesn’t know if she really feels like taking that much time away from her dress business.  Technically, it was their business, but since the baby, Tom really had to take on the roll as primary caregiver because, let’s face it, the business was Becky’s brainchild from the beginning.

The truth of the matter is Tom’s passions were always more in craftsmanship, especially carpentry, but as they were dating, Becky told him they could accomplish so much more if they worked together.  Tom didn’t see anything wrong with that but one year turned into two which turned into seven and Tom’s business ideas never materialized.  And then, all of sudden, they were married?  Now that he thought about it, Tom had also always envisioned himself with a bigger family to go along with a different career, too.  “How did we end up like this?” he wondered.  Quietly he knew this may have been why he had dragged his feet and never proposed despite dating Becky for seven years.

It’s not like he hadn’t said some of these things to Becky before.  In fact, they had a fairly open relationship, communication-wise.  The problem was, Tom was just a pretty easy-going guy.  That’s one of the things Becky was initially drawn to, but unfortunately this never translated into Tom getting any of his desires fulfilled — in professional life, home life, or sexual life.  After years of this, it had just become the status quo; Becky was used to Tom just taking her suggestions and running with them.  It had been like that since day one.  Now, Tom’s realizing he doesn’t get satisfaction in anything he does with his life, save those few special moments with his kid.

* * * * * * *

Good lord, I need to stop.  This hypothetical is depressing as hell.  I think I can say that the story swings both ways (as far as gender goes) and both parties need to be honest about their needs and desires.  But I’m worried about my man Tom here.  Getting proposed to by your weirdo girlfriend in a goddamn forest princess outfit is the most emasculating thing of all time.  I’m not kidding; I can’t think of anything worse.

Look, most men think a proposal that’s anything more than a simple question is stupid.  We do the fanfare just for the sake of fulfilling all you women’s harebrained, romantic, overly-Disney-fied fantasies (and hopefully to get some awesome sex out of it).  But at least in being the ones doing the actual proposing we retain some semblance of our manhood — we’re taking the lead in the process and providing you with something.  That’s why I’m so anti woman-led proposals.

But this Becky chick?  You just cut off Tom’s balls, Becky.  No regard for anyone but yourself here.  You could have done this proposal with a manikin and been just as happy.

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