need to preempt people making men’s purses a thing

Love Terry Crews. Bad meets ass. But he’s completely wrong here. It’s not that you’re some kind of pussy for carrying a man purse, it’s that men don’t carry purses for a couple reasons: 1) they’re not necessary and 2) keep their hands free to fight people and/or see to their woman’s needs while out.

Wear a jacket, kids. Right breast pocket is for the wallet. Left breast for the phone. Sunglasses go in the lapel pocket (or a side pocket). Right pants pocket is for your keys. Done.

If you’re a classic male, you may want a handkerchief in the other jacket side pocket. If you’re a modern male, you may want a slim battery in your left pants pocket like this one. Or ditch the battery and have a money clip in that pocket.

Variation: no jacket. Keys in right pocket. Slim wallet (like this one) in left pocket. Phone in back pocket. If it doesn’t fit, buy a smaller fucking phone. If you sit down, take it out or put it in your right pocket. Sunglasses hang on your shirt.

Justification: if you’re out and dressed nice enough to wear nicely tailored pants – the kind you don’t want with things in the pockets – you probably need a jacket. If it’s too hot and not formal enough for a jacket, the sunglasses hanging on the shirt is completely justifiable.

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