highlights from last night’s late night TV watching
Got home too late to watch MLB Playoffs and not recording the Toronto game proved to be a huge oversight. But after an 11:30 pm trip to In-N-Out, I managed to salvage the night with some interesting viewing options.
[[Sidebar: I took my double-double to go but since I was on my motorcycle I had to go inside the In-N-Out. 11:30 pm on a Wednesday is an interesting time to “dine in” here. I didn’t take any pictures because I’m not a dickhead but highlights include these: two chicks that looked like actual whores (who every male was sneaking looks at) but might have just been run of the mill tramps wearing too much makeup and really tight pants and really tall heels, a guy wearing similar clothing to these women who was reading “On Ugliness” about the aesthetic of ugly throughout history, and an assortment of lonely-looking dudes.]]
Anyway, my first option when I returned home with my food was found on TNT, the channel where my TV just happened to be when I turned it on. They were showing Wanted. Preeetty shitty movie, actually, with some cool choreography.
Here’s a fun scene where Angelina beats the shit out of the main character because… she wants to know why he’s there?
I’m not sure why beating him up is necessary to get the oh-so-profound answer of “I don’t know who I am.” Seems like just a 5 minute conversation with someone having an ounce of people skills would elicit that response, especially since it was literally the first thing he thought of after saying “I don’t know” over and over. He’d already been beaten up about a dozen times before that and it took him that long to come up with that answer? What a play-out trope, too, the “why are you here” from the sensei. And not played-out in a tongue-in-cheek way (like some of the scenes in John Wick, e.g., hero walks away from explosion) but played out in a our-writers-fucking-suck kind of way.
Also, nice look at way a cast-off douchebag character Chris Pratt once had to play.
Next up was a trip to Conan on TBS. I think by this time of night it was a rerun from a few hours previous. This is a show I loved when it first started but soon realized that I loved Conan O’Brien but not Conan. Show is still awesome when Conan gets out of the office with a camera (see here, here, and here).
Tonight he had on some pathetic excuse for an adult male. I made it about 3 minutes and 4 white-guilt comments before turning the channel. But before I did, there were “white moments” all over the place.
(here’s a link to Conan’s site in case this video get taken down)
Yeah man, every time I mix up people with similar names, I assume it’s because I’m a fucking racist. Ever mixed up Seth Rogan or Seth McFarlane? How about Elisha Cuthbert and Eliza Dushku? Steve McQueen and Stephen McQueen? I guess Bill Murray is a racist, too (except against white people)? Or maybe not everything is about race, you goddamned idiot.
This is the result that comes from being 23 and growing up in a Hollywood. Jesus, what a PUSSY. So eager to prostrate himself before anyone of another race for cheap applause. This is why, as Adam Carolla says, if you become famous before age 30, you’re a dickhead. I badly wanted to punch this little shit after that little story. Then he kicked it up a notch with a joke:
“What do you call someone who speaks 3 languages? Tri-lingual.
What do you call someone who speaks 2 languages? Bi-lingual.
What do you call someone who speaks 1 language? American.”
What in the ever loving fuck does that mean? You know most Mexicans only speak Spanish, right? Most French people only speak French? Ever been to China? In fact, the vast majority of EVERY nation speaks only their native language. Sorry that we live someplace where we don’t have neighbors on all sides speaking different languages or that we happen to speak the language that is recognized the world over as the language of travel and business and thus have no incentive to learn another language. He acts like other peoples learn English just because they love the world or some hippie shit like that rather than learning English because they have a huge incentive.
Actually, in trying so hard to not be a racist, he inadvertently turned himself into a racist by using the term “American” when what he really meant was “White American.” Hey fucker, we’re a nation of immigrants. People of Mexican descent very often speak two languages. Same with those of Indian descent. What, are they not American? Wake the fuck up.
Also, that’s a TERRIBLE joke. Could see the punch line a mile away. What a twerp. Not sure why he bugs me so much but he does.
Lastly came the best part of last night’s television. And this one is cheating since it was a recording from 3 nights earlier. Redeye with Tom Shillue on Fox News. The quality of this show is largely dependent on who the guests are and Monday night’s show was a doozy. Michael C. Moynihan is a very witty columnist with that libertarian snark. Tom Shillue, the host, is a great stand-up comedian. But the kicker was having both Bonnie McFarlane and husband Rich Vos on together.
Before we go on, I’ll point out that Bonnie looked hot as hell last night. Good on you, Richard. She’s also very funny and while some of the best moments in the show came earlier (full episode doesn’t exist online) this clip was very funny. The back and forth between these two is great. Check out their podcast if you liked this clip. I was laughing myself stupid throughout the episode.
Until next time, keep watching and remember: always avoid The Big Bang Theory.