commercial reviews, featuring uniformed opinions

Rule for all families with young children: the father picks the team of the children.  Exceptions are below.

  • The mother is much more passionate about the particular sport.  For example, if Dad doesn’t have an NFL team or isn’t very into the NFL but Mom is, then Mom picks.  If neither parent cares, none of this matters.
  • If Father already has sons who are into his teams, then daughters are up for grabs.  However, the firstborn, son or daughter, is Dad’s.

Sports matter more to men and they always will.  I can’t imagine taking my sons (or daughters) to games and have them rooting for my teams’ rivals.  Misery city.  Being unable to bond with my kids over the success or failures of our teams?  Not being able to call them up 30 years from now and say, “Can you believe what our idiot owner just did?!”

“Oh, but it’s OK for them to root for your wife’s teams’ rivals?”  Yup.  She won’t care as much.  Trust me.

As a final note, this probably won’t be that big of issue for me.  No way I end up with a girl from a rival fanbase.


Look I know this is supposed to be a little tongue-in-check but I find it infuriating.  Satirical or not, it’s still an advertisement for new cars.   As a whole, the commercial displays the height of our vain, consumer-driven society.  I want to kill that douche who smiles at the “20-inch alloys” remark.  Like he’s just so fucking relieved that he got his spoiled girlfriend the right $45,ooo car or else Christmas would be ruined.  Seriously, the world would be a better place without him.

The whole image the commercial is so stupid.  “Oh look at all these perfect, upper-class, mostly white people with all their excess and stupid cars, wasting money at Christmastime because that’s what you do when you are perfect and rich.  Don’t you want to be these people?  You can if you buy an Audi!  Just go into huge debt and overextend yourself.  Do you have the money?  Never mind that doesn’t matter because at least your spoiled family will be happy and you’ll have a wonderful Christmas!  Screw any real meaning that comes from this time of year.”

I know almost every business does it this time of year, but this is the pinnacle.  I hate all of them so much.


Yeah!  Do it, gurl!  Strong, independent woman alert!

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