Welp, since one wasn’t enough, the Big D had to double down:
Coming to theaters soon is Episode 2 of Star Wars: Female Reboot. Gear up this December for an Epic Showdown between Woman and Sinister Man who for some reason will get his ASS kicked despite having every MENTAL and PHYSICAL advantage. Prepare yourself to JOURNEY across the stars with said Female while she rallies a group of MALES who would otherwise SHIT on their own FEET but with the Woman manage to save the GALAXY.
Soooo, the same thing we had last December? Got it.
What happened to you, America? You used to be cool.
Listen, I’ve said this before, other people have said this before, and I will keep saying it: these type of movies do not work with a female lead. Women are caretakers, nurturers, sympathizers, and nest-ers. They are not battle leaders. They are not warriors. They are not adventure-seeking badasses. Cripes, why is this hard to understand? It’s not like we’ve had thousands of years of evolution for evidence.
I suppose it’s because people’s memory on these things lasts about 3 days. A week if we’re lucky. In this time frame, woman have always been running the world. Wait, why do men even exist? I can’t remember.
Go ahead, everyone — send me all your anecdotal evidence of awesome broads. Talking to you, feminists, and you, pussy men who are trying to suck up to women. Whatever you send, I don’t care because I deal in bigger terms.
Let’s run it back one more time for the short bus: these movies are for little kids. Little kids like to play make believe. Little girls make believe about pretty houses, dolls, and playtime with their best friends. Little boys pretend they’re off in space killing bad guys. And in these little boys’ imaginations, who do you think is alongside them?
This person? *
Or this person?
Or, for the young boys who will one day get shoved in lockers, it may also be this person:
One day the world will figure it out.
* OK, she may be in my fantasies, but you get what I mean.