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presenting “duke fans are nerds: an investigative analysis”

March 17, 2017

All we hear is how “wild” Duke fans are and how “intimidating” Cameron Indoor is.  I blame Dick Vitale for this.  God love him, for years he just couldn’t help himself from yelling, “Look at the fans!  Look at the Dookies!  It’s college basketball baby!!!”

But is this true?  Let’s find out together!

Uh, we’re off to a rocky start.  I bet frisbee golf with this crew this coming Saturday is gonna be dope.  Do you think anyone here knew what basketball was before their rich alumni parents made them attend Duke?

Next!

Right into the Terror Dome!  The belly of the beast.  Featuring four-eyes, flabby arms, and people who probably own adult coloring books.  I’m not a tough guy but I would not hesitate fight anyone in this pack, women included.  Unless their parents are lawyers… their parents are probably lawyers… retracted.

But do these fans bother the visiting players?  The giant athletes who stand mere inches from the Crazies?

This dude looks more confused than anything.  Like he’s surprised someone let the nerds out of the science lab.

“I bet no one here has ever held a basketball.”

In case you’re wondering, I included a .gif showing what fans who I might actually be intimidated by look like.  Coming to you from Auburn, frat bros filled with creatine, testosterone, and beer drank from a funnel:

Even the old man wants to go.

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