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guy rails against the friendzone in a roundabout manner, i help him out

April 6, 2017

Attention women: stop friendzoning and start having children, says the following article.

Why Men and Women Can Never Be ‘Just Friends’

Any article that even approaches advocating both genders live a bit more traditionally–you know, by doing doing things like having more than 1 children and doing it before you’re 30–and we release the hounds.  And by hounds, I of course mean snarky young people (screenshots borrowed from here).

In case you haven’t noticed, our society is slowly climbing the rainbow of happiness to utopia and don’t you dare say anything otherwise.  It’s 2017, guys, get with the times.  Women are more than just baby-makers.  Geez.  And why are we still talking about the friendzone?  Has anyone besides me seen When Harry Met Sally?  That movie came out like 100 years ago.

Sorry, I’m getting distracted.

Usually, men who write articles like this get publicly shamed.  People (mostly women) like to harp from the rafters about what a failure with women the guy must be, what a loser he is, or how he’s projecting all his own insecurities.  I’m not going to do that to this guy, but I am going to say that his problem should not be with the real-or-mythical friendzone, it should with the men who participate in the game.

For that matter, both men and women suffer from this problem.  That is, hanging around people that have no interest in dating them.  We’ve all done it and, for the most part, it remains the fault of the “victim.”  Guys, if the girl won’t go out with you, go find another one.  If you don’t know if she’ll go out with you, find your balls and ask.  Girls, if you’ve come onto a guy and he doesn’t ask you out then A) he’s not interested or B) he’s a sissy who won’t ask you out and you don’t want him anyway.  All of you, quit expending your time and emotional energies on someone who will not reciprocate.  Go find people who actively want to be with you, not those who are willing to have you only if you happen to be around.  If a relationship is not meeting your needs because she’s friends with you but you want more, that’s your problem and your responsibility to get out.  Not her fault.

Personally, I don’t buy the “men and women can never be friends” argument, at least not completely.  Relationships–romantic and platonic–are all shades of gray.  I have female friends who I don’t want to date and who don’t want to date me.  Sometimes within these relationships, romantic feelings will develop over time and sometimes they don’t.  Sometimes you end up fooling around with those people, sometimes you don’t.  There are no strict rules and there doesn’t need to be.  All we have to do is to know what our individual needs are, be honest about if those needs are being met, and ditch relationships that aren’t getting it done.

The biggest weakness with this article at The Federalist is that it doesn’t know what it’s trying to be: a lighthearted complaint about dating culture or a serious critique of the pressing social problem of under-population.  Sure, it can be both (as I’m trying to be) but it doesn’t quite do either very well.

The deeper point regarding the decline of the family and the accompanying demographic problems as well as social implications is certainly worth at least a passing mention.  It may be the most important issue of our time.  The Mormon church certainly recognizes this: “[W]e warn that the disintegration of the family will bring upon individuals, communities, and nations the calamities foretold by ancient and modern prophets.”  This was written over 20 years ago and time has proven it wise.  Almost every societal problem is improved with stronger families.  Low educational achievement, delinquency, spousal/child abuse, drug use, etc. all are mitigated when the child is in a stable nuclear family.  Incomes, birth rates, and charitable giving (just to name a few) are also higher.

But we’re getting off track again.

The point is, if you don’t think enough women are getting serious about their lives and relationships the good news is you agree with me.  The bad news is that you’re wrong to blame the friendzone; the problem is with all of us having our priorities and life goals screwed up.

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