women and their stupid friends: “he’s nice, but is he good enough for you?”

A female acquaintance of mine asked this on Twitter a while back and I haven’t yet had the chance to break it down.

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What a wonderful insight into how women’s brains operate.  Like little factories with nothing but destructive thinking coming off the assembly line.  Regardless of the poll results, the fact that this question was even asked reveals the problem.

This is why women should never listen to their friends’ dating advice.  Scratch that.  They can probably listen to advice from friends who are in a happy, committed relationship.  But only those friends.  Ladies, if your friends are single and start to ask about your relationship, run for the fucking hills.

Let’s catch up with the last two scenes of You’ve Got Mail.  In these, Meg Ryan first realizes she loves two men (Tom Hanks and her mystery online guy), and then is about as happy as you can imagine when she learns they are the same guy.  It’s a great ending with just the right amount of sappiness.  Meg now has a bright future ahead of her and will share it with a man she loves.  She’s completed the Hero’s Journey — the Road of Trials, the Abyss, the Reward, and now the Return Home with the Elixir (which includes, among other things, a dreamy guy).

Now we get to the post-credits scene.  What post-credits scene, you ask?  Why, the one where her shrew (and single) friends show up and start asking her questions that are along the same lines as the question in the tweet above, like:

  • “Didn’t he bankrupt you?  You deserve a guy that respects what you do.”
  • “You’re so smart and clever.  Don’t you intimidate him?”
  • “He’s too rich, there’s no way he’s going to respect what an awesome independent woman you are.”
  • “You’re so funny and witty.  Can he even keep up with you?”
  • “He lied to you this whole time about the online dating?  Why?  Cause he knew he could never get a girl like you?”
  • “Does he want children?  Are you sure?  Look how messed up his family is!  What’s he got, like 4 step-moms?”
  • “Look at all the good you do in the world, how much you help families and children.  You’re so great.  What’s he do?  Run a big business that crushes people like you?  You deserve a guy that does good in the world, like a pediatrician.”
  • “How do you know he won’t get in the way of your passions and dreams?”

And so forth.

The post-post-credits scene involves Meg Ryan showing up to Tom’s place with a lot of questions.  Tom, thinking everything was wonderful, has no idea where these questions are coming from.  What’s more, he doesn’t understand why they’re important.  He knows how he feels and these worries seem like they’re nothing more than random hypotheticals, projections from previous bad relationships.  Meg seemed fine just a few weeks ago.  What changed?

Meg, feeling that Tom is not being supportive of her concerns, starts wondering if maybe her friends were right.  She accuses Tom of not respecting her worries and wonders out loud if he really understands her at all.  He says she’s being ridiculous but that just makes the situation worse.  Meg says that if that’s how he feels, maybe this isn’t going to work.  Maybe they’re just too different of people.

Ho boy, you get the idea.  Their relationship falls apart from there.  Tom takes his dog, Brinkley, buys an expensive condo, and spends the next while bouncing from floozy to floozy and bankrupting a few more small businesses like Meg’s.  After a few years, he realizes Amazon is going to bury all these brick and mortar book stores and uses his considerable capital to pivot and invest in dating apps.  He then settles down and marries the bright 27-year-old who helped him get into Silicon Valley startups.  They have 3 kids.

Meg, on the other hand, goes on to write many successful children’s books and also has a high-paying job at a publishing firm.  She has many male suitors but none of them quite resonate with her the way Tom did.  There are times, in the middle of the night and when she’s feeling especially lonely, that she wishes things had worked out with Tom.  Why did they even break up?  Their differences now seem so inconsequential.  Eventually, she settles down as well, marrying the kind (but a little boring) president of her publishing firm.  At this point, children aren’t a very realistic option for her but she can now write full time and host reading events for kids.  This gives her some fulfillment, but sometimes she confides in her old mentor Birdie that she wishes life had turned out differently.

Moral of the story: Ladies, when you start dating a guy, do not listen to the shrill, lonely harpies who surround you.  Better yet, don’t even tell them about the guy until you have a rock on your finger.

Look again at the list of questions above.  Men literally never ask these questions of each other.  The only time we get involved is when we think the relationship is harming our buddy and even then, getting involved is usually done very carefully since men are protective of the women they’re dating.  Most of the time, men do not tolerate their friends attacking their girl.

There’s a reason men are always worried that their girlfriend’s stupid friends will submarine him.  For women, though, it’s different.  It honestly doesn’t matter if his friends like you, but even if it does, all you have to do is show up and be pleasant and you’ll be fine.  Guys, on the other hand, will get run through the gauntlet determining whether or not her girlfriends will spend the rest of their relationship trying to break them up.

Girls, stop it.  Stop downloading your insecurities into your friends’ relationships.  Stop inflating your own egos by asking if this guy or that guy is “good enough” for you or your friends.  It just will lead you down the road of relationship failure.

 

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united airlines crybaby gets paid

United Airlines reaches settlement with passenger who was dragged off plane

What a magical story about the Asian doctor who became an international sensation on the internet after he chose to make a random United flight his hill to die on.  All these internet heros who blew up at United and ran to his defense are morons who were just stooges helping him get rich because he was too effing stupid to get off the plane.  They are bigger idiots than he was for getting himself tased in the first place.

This guy wasn’t standing up for anything.  He wasn’t some kind of martyr.  He got screwed by United’s small print and then escalated the situation until they tased his ass to get him off the plane.

You think I’m being unfair to him?  Then I’m sure you would have sat there until they tased you right?  Willingly waited to get nearly electrocuted just because you don’t want to take the next fight?  No, you would have grumbled and got off the plane like a human instead of being dragged off like luggage.

If you still don’t believe me, let’s run the clock back and replay the chain of events that got us here.  Imagine you were the Asian doctor and you just let me know when you would have tapped out.  Spoiler Alert: you tap out before you get tased.

(Note: This is a reenactment and may be slightly dramatized for effect.)

Airline Crew: “Attention ladies and gentlemen.  We overbooked the flight.  Our bad.  We do this so we can make more money and be happier with our lives.  Four of you must deplane.  We’ll give you a few hundred bucks via a voucher or whatever”

[No one moves.]

Airline Crew:  “Make that $800.”

[No one moves.  Depending on my schedule, here is where I tap out and take the free flight.]

Airline Crew:  “Look, assholes, four of you are getting off the plane.  You can volunteer or you can get randomly selected and summarily booted.”

[No one moves, believing 4/300 are pretty good odds.  They are right.]

Airline Crew:  “Alright we’ve selected 4 people.  Thank you to the first 3 people who are understandably upset, but realized they have no choice and are walking off the plane and taking their dignity with them.”

[Dr. Idiot doesn’t move.  9 times out of 10, if I passed on the initial ticket offering and they draw my name, this is where I tap out and leave.  This is also where most of you leave.  Don’t lie.]

Airline Crew:  “Uh, sir?  We’re very sorry… but you got to get up and get the hell off our plane.”

[Dr. Idiot doesn’t move.  This is where the rest of you tap out.]

Airline Crew:  “You are now trespassing and are required by law to get off the plane.”

[Dr. Idiot still doesn’t move.  Here is where I tap out and I’ve only stayed this long if I’m in the mood to be an asshole.  I make a lot of loud comments about Nazi Germany while leaving.]

Airline Crew:  “Look, sir, you can walk off the plane, or we can drag you off the plane kicking and screaming.  That’s how we roll.  That’s how we get down.  [Leans in.]  Go ahead, try me, dickhead.  Cause I would love it.  You step to me you’re gonna get played.  That’s the truth.  I keep it 100.  I’m from the hood, asshole.  You think I give a shit about you?  You think I give a shit about this job?  Man, I’ll rip you up out of that seat and kick your ass up and down the tarmac!  I’ll do it just for fun!  You wanna dance?!  Let’s go!  You feeling strong?!  Fuerte?!”

[Dr. Idiot ignores him.  He closes his eyes and tries to transcend the vulgar, mundane world.  His body remains an immovable mountain.  Airline Crew prepares to test that claim.]

Airline Crew:  “Here is a taser.  This is going up your ass if you don’t move.”

 

Aaaaaand scene.  I think we all know how the rest played out.

The moral of the story is this: once they decide you’re getting off the plane, you WILL get off that plane.  To those utter buffoons who ran indignantly to this dope’s defense, what exactly did you want the airline people to do?  They tried using words like civilized people, but Dr. Dipshit wasn’t having it.  This situation resolves in one way: the man getting off the plane.  Yes, it may hurt feelings.  And yes, it may be bullshit fine print that allows them to do it, but they definitely can do it.  End of story.

At least it provided most of you the chance to throw a little tantrum and stamp your little feet and get some respite from the rest of your boring lives, probably spent waiting for the new season of Game of Thrones.

 

PS. From my experience, I’d have to say old Jewish people and old Asian people are the most stubborn people in the world.  (Although this would never happen to a Jewish guy.  No way an older Jewish gentleman allows himself to get tased when all he has to do is stand up and walk.)  Not saying stubbornness is a good thing or a bad thing, I’m just saying that’s how I perceive it.  In this case, however, stubbornness ended up being a very good thing.  Homeboy paid.

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guy rails against the friendzone in a roundabout manner, i help him out

Attention women: stop friendzoning and start having children, says the following article.

Why Men and Women Can Never Be ‘Just Friends’

Any article that even approaches advocating both genders live a bit more traditionally–you know, by doing doing things like having more than 1 children and doing it before you’re 30–and we release the hounds.  And by hounds, I of course mean snarky young people (screenshots borrowed from here).

In case you haven’t noticed, our society is slowly climbing the rainbow of happiness to utopia and don’t you dare say anything otherwise.  It’s 2017, guys, get with the times.  Women are more than just baby-makers.  Geez.  And why are we still talking about the friendzone?  Has anyone besides me seen When Harry Met Sally?  That movie came out like 100 years ago.

Sorry, I’m getting distracted.

Usually, men who write articles like this get publicly shamed.  People (mostly women) like to harp from the rafters about what a failure with women the guy must be, what a loser he is, or how he’s projecting all his own insecurities.  I’m not going to do that to this guy, but I am going to say that his problem should not be with the real-or-mythical friendzone, it should with the men who participate in the game.

For that matter, both men and women suffer from this problem.  That is, hanging around people that have no interest in dating them.  We’ve all done it and, for the most part, it remains the fault of the “victim.”  Guys, if the girl won’t go out with you, go find another one.  If you don’t know if she’ll go out with you, find your balls and ask.  Girls, if you’ve come onto a guy and he doesn’t ask you out then A) he’s not interested or B) he’s a sissy who won’t ask you out and you don’t want him anyway.  All of you, quit expending your time and emotional energies on someone who will not reciprocate.  Go find people who actively want to be with you, not those who are willing to have you only if you happen to be around.  If a relationship is not meeting your needs because she’s friends with you but you want more, that’s your problem and your responsibility to get out.  Not her fault.

Personally, I don’t buy the “men and women can never be friends” argument, at least not completely.  Relationships–romantic and platonic–are all shades of gray.  I have female friends who I don’t want to date and who don’t want to date me.  Sometimes within these relationships, romantic feelings will develop over time and sometimes they don’t.  Sometimes you end up fooling around with those people, sometimes you don’t.  There are no strict rules and there doesn’t need to be.  All we have to do is to know what our individual needs are, be honest about if those needs are being met, and ditch relationships that aren’t getting it done.

The biggest weakness with this article at The Federalist is that it doesn’t know what it’s trying to be: a lighthearted complaint about dating culture or a serious critique of the pressing social problem of under-population.  Sure, it can be both (as I’m trying to be) but it doesn’t quite do either very well.

The deeper point regarding the decline of the family and the accompanying demographic problems as well as social implications is certainly worth at least a passing mention.  It may be the most important issue of our time.  The Mormon church certainly recognizes this: “[W]e warn that the disintegration of the family will bring upon individuals, communities, and nations the calamities foretold by ancient and modern prophets.”  This was written over 20 years ago and time has proven it wise.  Almost every societal problem is improved with stronger families.  Low educational achievement, delinquency, spousal/child abuse, drug use, etc. all are mitigated when the child is in a stable nuclear family.  Incomes, birth rates, and charitable giving (just to name a few) are also higher.

But we’re getting off track again.

The point is, if you don’t think enough women are getting serious about their lives and relationships the good news is you agree with me.  The bad news is that you’re wrong to blame the friendzone; the problem is with all of us having our priorities and life goals screwed up.

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anti-feminism deep thought of the day

Feminists celebrate women’s mass entrance into the workplace and politics, gained almost completely through the coercive power of the state.  But through this they are now nothing more than cogs in the same all-consuming consumerist machine as men and thus become the slaves they always thought they were.

Ruling the household–the building block of society–and raising the coming generations was woman’s great and ennobling role.  What they once had granted them true power and freedom.  Instead they are bound just like men have always been to a life as laborer and resource-gatherer, a serf in the fields.

It’s a bit ironic, no?

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someone thinks there’s a coming revolution within mormon culture — umm what??

Executive summary:  Someone writes a long article complaining about Mormons being too judgy and how there’s gonna be a “revolution” against it.  I write an article that’s almost as long explaining why this is a dumb premise and how there’s already a revolution going on within Mormonism.

My article:

Hello, what’s this?  Why, it’s a long article that essentially amounts to yet another complaint within a restrictive “Puritanical” religion that its members are too judgmental!  Stop me if you’ve heard this one before.

The Coming Revolution Inside of Mormonism

Money quotes:

  • I can imagine a time not too far off where a gay man, a straight man, a biker with full body tats, a woman who smokes, a man who reeks of liquor, a recently married couple who is having trouble with tithing, a recently re-baptized excommunicated member, a man with a full beard and jeans, and a returned missionary who is addicted to porn sitting in the same congregation together, who make it through all three hours of church without someone dressing them down with their eyes or their words…It’ll be a time where the families in that congregation recognize how hard it is for people to set foot inside a church once they feel like they’ve strayed too far.
  • [[boring story from author’s mission about the time he met someone who had “strayed from the path” and how it totally changed his perspective]]

Sometimes I see blogs about Mormon life and wonder if it’s just a Utah thing.  (Just like I see things in my own life and wonder if it’s just an LA thing.)  Call me ignorant if you like, but I guess I forget there are still wards where people whisper disapprovingly because they see a tattoo.  Hate to break it to you, but those people aren’t in the demo for a blog which is complaining about those people.  And to be honest, much of our membership needs to do a little bit more judging (more on this later).

After the complaints, the rest of the article describes a “revolution” sweeping through the Church whereby members change their ways and all the author’s complaints are fixed.  I found it confusing.  It was like he was describing the Millennium.   Yeah, you know how God “called his people Zion, because they were of one heart and one mind, and dwelt in righteousness; and there was no poor among them?”  Let’s just do that!

Uh, yeah dude, there will be a revolution that ushers in Millennial-like conditions.  It’s called, “The Millennium.”

More quotes:

  • I believe this revolution will produce an environment in which people always feel comfortable when they step inside a church building. It’ll feel like home. They’ll never have to feel like they’ve got to watch their back. They’ll never have to worry about what sister so and so thinks about her outfit, or what brother such and such thinks about the fact that he returned home early from his mission.
  • I wonder if people looked at the Sons of Mosiah and said… “Who do they think they are? How can they be missionaries? How can they represent Christ? How can they give advice in church when they were the vilest of sinners?”
  • I see a place where people have study groups again to provide support for those that need friends to talk to about the things they hear on the internet and social media. I see a place where people support one another, ask questions, resolve concerns, and speak honestly about the things that give them trouble in life and in the church. I see a time where “home-teaching” is just referred to as “ministering” and more lessons will revolve around love and not quotas. I see a time where “fellowshipping” will be replaced by “friendshipping” and where pure love is a stronger motivator than guilt.
  • I think this revolution will produce a people who don’t make a checklist of things they can and cannot do on the Sabbath… and then hold others to their own standard and checklist.

OK, now it sounds like the “I Have a Dream” speech.

Look, should Mormons be more loving?  Should we be more willing to step outside our friendship circles and embrace others?  Should we develop a genuine interest in others so when we reach out it feels natural instead of like we’re fulfilling an obligation?  Hell yes.  There’s so much untapped potential for good in our membership that can strengthen others and build our communities (more on this later).  I’ve long said that Mormons can be a weird bunch with plenty of failings but they really are the best people I know.

That’s all that really needs to be said about the article.  It has good ideas for things to work on (Although he is overthinking the whole “how to be more accepting” idea and I’ve found when Mormons do this they start being weird.) but entirely misses the point about the actual revolution that will happen within Mormonism.  In fact, it’s going on right now.

Our prophets and leaders have alluded to it over and over and over again.  They’ll do it again this coming weekend during General Conference.  The line between God’s ways and the world’s ways continues to become more defined and more perilous to cross.  Yes, there is a coming revolution, my friend, but it will be among those who seek to keep one foot in the world and one foot in the Gospel.  It will be between friends and family who look at each other on opposite sides of the line.  We’ve already seen members fall away because of it and in the coming years the battle will only worsen.  The world will hate us even more and those who to even a small degree hold to the world’s approval will find themselves increasingly distant from the Church and God’s people.

This is what I meant above when I said Mormons need to do a little bit more judging.  Not the prejudiced and mean-spirited judging this guy talked about, but a righteous judgment, separating truth from error, wickedness from righteousness, and worldliness from godliness.  Accepting and loving all people, but holding (“grasping” as the scripture says) to the iron Word of God.

Let me tell you what I now see: I see members who tolerate too much of the world–too much degenerate culture–in their own lives.  Who consume media that is repugnant and degrading.  Who prioritize frivolity over spirituality.  Who try to be so accepting of other lifestyles that they slip into the falsehood that is moral relativism.  Who tolerate things like abortion or physician-assisted suicide because it coincides with some of their other political ideas (see the recent Women’s March).  Who are more interested in material goods than a savings account.  I speak strongly of these things because I myself fall victim to this spiritually-dangerous way of thinking far too often.

Again, there is so much untapped good among our membership.  The world will cry for men and women of principle and lightness to lead them and their communities.  People to whom they can look who will display confidence and poise in the coming times in which “there shall be… distress of nations, with perplexity; the sea and the waves roaring; men’s hearts failing them for fear.”

Let us be prepared for this revolution.

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